Uninviting Children to Your Wedding: Do’s & Don’t’s
We are deep into planning our 2022 season and many of our couples are considering an adults-only wedding reception due to capacity, budget or personal preference. Your wedding guest list is ultimately up to you, so if you want a child-free celebration, you're completely welcome to it, (tons of couples choose to). That said, anyone planning an adults-only wedding tends to run into a few sticky issues, from invitation wording questions to dealing with guests who won't get the message. My best advice is to be honest, yet tactful. This can be difficult to explain to parents and family members without hurting anyone’s feelings, so be sure to follow these important etiquette tips as you finalize your guest list.
1. Do Properly and Carefully Address Your Invitations
Make it clear from the start that your wedding is adults only. How? Address each invitation (and save the date) to exactly those invited, otherwise some guests with children might assume their whole family is welcome. You can also go the extra mile and write in their exact names on the response card (the same way you addressed them on the outer envelope). Then all they'll have to do is check "will attend" or "will not attend." That way, it will be clear only "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" are invited. Using an e-RSVP? Allow the drop-down button only for however many are invited.
2. Don't Print "Adults Only" on the Invitations
You shouldn't feel guilty for keeping your wedding a kid-free zone, but it's not polite to specify your wishes front and center on the main invitation. Doing that is the easiest way to ruffle feathers. Having a child-free wedding can be a very sensitive issue for some guests, especially out-of-town family members and close friends with little ones. For a more tactful approach, have your family, wedding party members and friends spread the word to guests by word of mouth so they have lots of time to secure a babysitter and if possible, include the message on separate details card. Communicate it early and consistently.
3. Do Mention It on Your Wedding Website
Your wedding website is THE place to share important wedding info—both the basics and additional details you're not supposed to put on the invites (think: registries, transportation options, dress code and more). That makes it a great place to slip in a note about keeping your wedding adults-only before recommending any babysitting options in the area (a thoughtful touch).
4. Do Have a Flower Girl and Ring Bearer at the Ceremony (If You Want)
You're welcome to have flower girls, ring bearers and junior attendants at your ceremony. Just ensure you coordinate with their guardian to ensure someone picks them up afterwards and send them home with a kid-friendly dinner and activity kit to take with them.
5. Don't Make It an "Adults-Mostly" Reception
While you can have children in your wedding party and still have an adults-only reception, be mindful not to bend the rules for other people with children. If you let some guests bring their families and not others, it might look like you hand selected which children were and weren't invited—which could lead to a pretty uncomfortable situation. Inviting all children only to the ceremony probably won't work either, since they might get upset having to say good-bye to their parents or if they see other guests going to the party when they have to go home. Make the same hard rule for 12 and under cut off. 12 and over is different and you need to have a cut off.
6. Do Call Anyone Who Assumes Their Kids Are Invited
It's normal to start hearing from family members who are questioning why your younger cousins, nieces and nephews aren't allowed to come. Address the sensitive issue right away by calling and explaining, unfortunately, you can't invite everyone you'd like. You can blame it on budget and venue constraints (if you want), which often wards off further protests and avoids hurt feelings. But remember, you don't have to give a lengthy explanation. You're not going to please everyone, but it's okay to say an adults-only wedding is a personal decision you've made, and leave it at that.
7. Don't Waver
Even if you've properly addressed the invites, shared via word of mouth and posted a note on your website, be prepared to get some pushback. Just remember, like with other decisions you're making, this is your day and you and your partner get to decide who's invited to the wedding—period. Address the issue and upset parents with sensitivity, but don't back down. If you have a truly angry guest on your hands (and their happiness means a great deal to you), it's a kind gesture to look into hiring a babysitter to watch their children at home for the duration of the entire wedding, ceremony included. At the end of the day, the best you can do is be thoughtful and helpful to your guests with kids and understand that some guests won’t attend your wedding because of it.
Need help planning your special day? Please send me an email alli@allimae.com